Fraud Blocker
612-787-2832

Make-it-or-Break-It Counseling

“I  had no idea if I wanted to work on my relationship.  There was so much pain and resentment that I was stuck.  This process took off all of the pressure I’ve been feeling from my spouse to make it work – which helped me to choose the right decision for my family and for myself.”  

– RTC Make-It-or-Break-It Client

Nearly one in three couples that contact us are considering ending their relationship.

Often one person wants the relationship, and the other is concerned that being happy together is impossible.

For these couples, traditional couples counseling does not make sense. Instead, this couple needs a therapist to take them through a process to see if they both can get on board with working on their relationship… or if it’s time to call it quits.

Make-It-or-Break-It Counseling uses a style of therapy called discernment counseling, which gives you:

  1. Clarity about how you got to this difficult spot

  2. Options for moving forward, and what would be needed to make any of those options happen

  3. Confidence in your decision to either work on or end your relationship

Frequently Asked Questions About Make-It-or-Break-It Counseling

  • How do I know if Make-It-or-Break-It Counseling is for us? This type of counseling is for couples where one or both members of the couple are unsure if they want the relationship to proceed.  We find this type of counseling is especially suited for these types of couples and situations:

    • Ambivalence About The Relationship – Sometimes one or both partners are unsure if they have the desire or motivation to work on their relationship, or if it’s “worth it” to try to make things better.

    • A Newly Uncovered Affair – An affair has been revealed and it’s unclear if one or both partners want to do the hard work of repairing the relationship.

    • Want to Want It – Some people realize they don’t have the love or admiration for their partner that they used to have, but they want to get them back – or want to know if it’s even possible. (Spoiler alert: it probably is!)

    • On the Brink of Separation – Sadly, some couples neglect their relationship for too long, and they won’t make quick enough progress in traditional couples therapy in order for the relationship to survive. Or, couples have done counseling before but the changes haven’t stuck.

    • One Partner is In, One Partner is Out – Traditional couples counseling is often unsuccessful if each partner has different goals for working on their relationship.  Make-It-or-Break-It Counseling provides an opportunity to get on the same page.

  • What is the format? Make-It-or-Break-It Counseling is done in two four-hour Intensive Blocks.  During the process, couples will meet together and individually with their therapist to explore their feelings about their partner and the relationship, and understand what their options are for moving forward.

  • Does going through this process mean I have to try to make my relationship work? Not at all.  One of the huge benefits of this type of counseling is that we are not assuming you want to work on your relationship.  We are giving you a process to explore your ambivalence in a guided way. We do recommend that you take the process seriously, and commit to the hard work of understanding your thoughts and feelings about your relationship.

  • If I agree to work on my relationship after this process, does that mean I’m stuck with my partner forever? Absolutely not.  If you decide to work on your relationship, you are only obligated to see if the relationship can improve.  You are not signing up for a lifetime. 

  • Are the therapists at the Relationship Therapy Center trained in discernment counseling? Most of our therapists are trained in discernment counseling, but only our most experienced therapists offer Make-It-or-Break-It Intensives.  If you’re interested in seeing whether a Make-It-or-Break-It Intensive might be just what your relationship needs, please contact our Intensive Program Coordinator at 612-400-5262 or send an email to ICC@mncouplescounseling.com.

  • Is there hope for us? We’ve seen countless couples who thought they were beyond saving transform their relationships into something even better, stronger, and happier than ever before. This is only possible if each person learns the skills necessary to be successful in relationships, and regularly practices these skills in their daily lives. We teach these skills to couples every day, so you’re in good hands!

  • “ Nafiisa has been an amazing therapist! I'm impressed with how quickly she is able to help us find the core issues that we're having, many of which we were not previously able to verbalize in a constructive way. ”
  • “ We have really enjoyed working with Sharon. She has taught us a lot and given us tools to grow with. We look forward to our future sessions with her! ”
  • “ My time with Kristopher has been the best therapy experience of my life! My wife also really likes having him as our therapist. Much thanks to RTC for connecting us with him. ”
  • “ Taylor has been amazing! They are great and we are really lucky to work with them. ”
  • “ Vicky has used different approaches to help center and support us. She’s been great and has made this experience well worth it. ”
  • “ Krysta is wonderful! She is kind, caring, listens, and explains things in easy to understand language. We love working with her and feel she meshes really well with our personalities! ”
  • “ Ashley is an incredible therapist and has completely changed my view on therapy. I look forward to going every week and feel that she creates an incredibly warm and safe environment. I personally feel as though substantial changes and insights have been made extremely evident in my life through my work with her and even in a short time I feel like much progress has been made. I really want to express how sincerely genuine I find her to be and how open and nonjudgemental I feel her approach is. ”
  • “ Nancy was excellent and was a perfect fit for both of us. She is truly a miracle worker! ”
  • “ We really like Dani! She's made it clear she wants us to be comfortable and to have open dialogue/feedback. Her energy overall is greatly appreciated! ”
  • “ I really like Dana, she’s really easy to talk to, she listens and then gives great advice that is tough but kind. We’re very pleased with her! ”
  • “ I appreciate Holly as our therapist and I especially appreciate her direct communication. She is a great listener and seems to have made accurate observations about my partner’s and my relationship. ”
  • “ We absolutely adore Maya and I feel very lucky to have stumbled upon her! Whoever I spoke to on the phone about the type of therapist we were looking for, completely nailed it down! ”
  • “ Zachariah is doing a great job in helping my husband and I. He’s very approachable and professional. ”
  • “ Ellie is fabulous, we both really like her and my husband hasn’t complained once about going, which is incredible. We aren’t easy and she does a great job with us! ”
  • “ I really like what Phillip has done so far in helping me on my journey of getting to a place of being better off mentally. I look forward to discussing things with him and getting his feedback in return. ”
  • “ We’ve enjoyed meeting with Christian Ann. She’s relatable, she understands our challenges, and we like her approach as well as the resources she provides. ”
  • “ [The ICC Program] was priceless. After 32 years, I wasn’t sure change was possible, but I now feel no doubt that we have even the best yet to come together. ”
    Julia*, 58
  • “ ICC got our marriage back on track. Having a knowledgable, experienced, and thoughtful therapist that really seemed to care about us and was able to make so much time for us made all the difference in the world. We feel so much better and more hopeful for the future. ”
    Jennifer*, 47
  • “ It's been fantastic working with Brody. We feel very understood working with him and are able to work on challenges that we've been stuck on for several years. ”
  • “ The Intensive format is hands down the best format for any therapy. This should really be the norm. ICC will teach you lifelong skills and bring knowledge about yourself and your spouse that make a significant positive impact on all of your relationships. ”
    Michael*, 55
  • “ Even in the first ICC session, we had more productive conversations about our issues than we've had in years. We have a hard journey ahead of us, but now I am so much more confident that we'll be able to tackle life together as a team. We couldn't have done that without you guys. ”
    Omar*, 31
  • “ I usually find it difficult to find a therapist I like as I’m very picky, but Layne is such a good match not only for me but for my wife too. I think she is really helping and genuinely cares enough to work with us. ”
  • “ Seeing Manny has been so beneficial. He’s very easy to talk to and we look forward to meeting with him every week! ”
  • “ I learned more about myself and why I react in ways that I do. I learned more about my husband and the reasons he acts certain ways and ways that I have unintentionally hurt him. This has given me a better understanding of him and helps me view him in a loving way when we have disagreements. ”
    Joan*, 52
  • “ Rachel has helped me a great deal already. Seeing her once a week makes me feel like I am moving forward in my path to a better mental health. Her approach is exactly what I need at this moment. I really appreciate her observations and she is very good at pinpointing what to focus. ”
  • “ This program was exactly what our marriage needed at a critical juncture. It taught me so much about myself and the relationship. Our therapist was willing to confront the tough issues in a kind and gentle way. I highly recommend this program to all couples in a relationship. ”
    Marianne*, 43
  • “ This Intensive Counseling weekend was invaluable to our relationship and provided specific strategies we both need to practice. I now understand how I’ve contributed to our issues and feel hopeful about addressing them for a happier future together. ”
    Joshua*, 39
  • “ Nancy was excellent and was a perfect fit for both of us. She is truly a miracle worker. ”
    Lawrence*, 46
  • “ My partner and I cannot speak highly enough about Kristi's approach and work with us. We are extremely grateful that we were matched with her. Please know that because of her work we are hopeful for the future again. ”
  • “ [Intensive Couples Counseling] has been so incredible for our relationship. I feel every couple should go through this experience because it can improve every relationship you have. We were desperate for some help and guidance. We received so much more than I expected. ”
    Charlotte*, 35
  • “ As soon as I talked with the ICC staff, I knew I had found the help we needed. Thank you, thank you, thank you for saving my marriage. ”
    Wendy*, 57
  • “ Fiona is wonderful! She has been the best match we have found by far. We look forward to seeing her! After almost every session we’re able to communicate with each other more effectively. ”
  • “ We ADORE Efrén. He is literally exactly what we were looking for, and he has helped us so much already. I cannot say enough to sing his praises. We are so pleased with his work and feel so fortunate that we get to work with him. ”
  • “ We love Jennie!! She has already done wonders for us! She totally gets us and our situation! ”
  • “ I'm super happy with Trevor and the work he has been doing with us so far! I definitely feel like I’m making progress with him. He genuinely cares about my well-being and is extremely accommodating and flexible. ”
  • “ We love Rachel, she has worked wonders for my husband and I. I feel we have grown and gained a lot of knowledge to help us with our marriage, as parents, and individuals. I would recommend her and anyone who works at RTC to anyone!! We can’t say enough good things!!! ”
  • “ Sidney is a really good fit for us! She does very well balancing help for the both of us. She continues to provide tools for us to work on to improve our relationship. ”
  • “ Todd is amazing! My husband and I are extremely happy with him and happy to continue resolving our issues and gaining greater insight, respect, and a greater sense of self and togetherness in our marriage. He is awesome. ”